Help for domestic abuse

Are you experiencing abuse

Domestic abuse is a crime in Scotland. If you're being harmed by your partner or ex-partner you may be experiencing domestic abuse. This isn't your fault and there are organisations that can help you. 

It can be hard to see the signs that domestic abuse is happening or come to terms with it. You might not feel like you're a 'typical' victim of abuse but there isn't one. It can affect people of any age, including teenagers and students. 80% of victims are female but men can also be victims. 

Your abuser doesn't have to be violent towards you for it to be abuse. They might be using tactics to undermine you, remove your freedom and trap you into living under their control - this is called coercive control. The abuse could be directed towards you, your children or even your pets as a way to intimidate and control you. 

You should seek specialist support if you or your children are experiencing any behaviour from a partner or ex-partner that is:

• mentally and emotionally abusive - verbal abuse, undermining your confidence, gaslighting (making you question your version of what's happened)
• violent, including sexual violence
• isolating - from friends, relatives, health services and sources of support
• monitoring or controlling - for example, tracking you, watching your social media accounts, making you stay in the house during the day or limiting time at the shops
• degrading or punishing - for example, not allowing you to eat or rewarding you for only 'good' behaviour
• financially controlling - for example, not allowing you to have your own bank account or having benefits paid only to the abuser
• intimidating - for example, threats of violence
• harmful towards pets or your belongings - this might be to manipulate, frighten or control you.

As well as domestic abuse you might be experiencing other types of gender-based violence, like stalking, rape or sharing intimate photos or videos without consent. There are other specialist organisations that can help you.

How to find out if your partner has an abusive past

You can find out if your partner or ex-partner has abused other people in the past by applying to Police Scotland’s Disclosure Scheme, also called Clare’s Law.

The police can tell you whether your partner has a history of being abusive and you’ll get help and support to decide whether to continue the relationship.

You can apply for yourself or someone you know.

To apply to the scheme, and find out more about it:

• apply on the Police Scotland website 
• contact your local police station – find your local station on the Police Scotland website 
• phone 101.

If you want to leave an abusive relationship

Before you leave it's important to make a safety plan with the help of advisers at Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline. They're trained to help people leave abusive relationships safely. 

Your safety plan should be tailored to you and might cover things like: 

• when you'll leave 
• where you'll go
• childcare or taking the children with you
• packing essential items 
• care for pets - Dogs Trust Freedom Project may be able to look after animals. Find out more about the project on their website.  

Get help to make your safety plan from the Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline. 

If you need money

If you urgently need money you could apply for:

• a crisis grant or a community care grant from the Scottish Welfare Fund – these are grants from local councils that don’t have to be paid back. Find out more about the Scottish Welfare Fund
• emergency help from your council's social work department – you might be able to get a cash payment called a section 12 payment. If you have children, you might be able to get a section 22 payment. Find contact details for your local council
• a budgeting loan or a budgeting advance – these are loans from the DWP that have to be repaid from your benefits. For budgeting advances, you need to be getting Universal Credit. Read more about budgeting advances and how to get one. For budgeting loans, you need to be getting other benefits such as Income Support, Pension Credit, income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance or income-related Employment and Support Allowance. Check how to get a budgeting loan and how to apply.

You might also need to sort out non urgent money issues. You should check if you are entitled to any benefits and whether to apply for any maintenance for yourself or your children.

You could use a benefit calculator or contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau to ask for a benefit check and to find out about other financial help you could get.

Getting help from Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline

The helpline is for anyone affected by abuse, including friends or family members supporting someone affected by abuse. 

Both men and women can phone or email 24 hours a day. It's confidential and can be anonymous if you want. The helpline is run by Women's Aid in partnership with the Men’s Advice Line. If you're a man you'll be put through to the Men’s Advice Line.

There's a translation service if English isn't your preferred language. You can use this helpline whatever your immigration status is. 

If you think your calls or emails are being monitored by your partner or ex-partner, it might be best to call from a public phone, the phone of a friend you trust or from your local Citizens Advice Bureau with the help of an adviser.

Specially-trained staff will answer the phone. Find out more about what to expect when you call on the helpline's website. 

If you don't feel able to contact the helpline you could also speak first to an adviser at your local Citizens Advice Bureau and they could phone on your behalf. This might be easier if you are already going there to speak about something else, like your benefits or housing. Read more about how an adviser can help. 

How a Citizens Advice Bureau adviser can help

In some cases you might not feel able to contact a specialist domestic abuse service or it may be easier to talk to an adviser at your local Citizens Advice Bureau first. This might be the case if you're already going to speak about your benefits or housing, for example. 

Citizens Advice Bureau advisers aren't specialists in domestic abuse but they can listen confidentially to you and:

• help you contact specialist support
• establish what you've already done and if you're in danger
• make sure you have a plan before you leave the bureau
• explain the longer term options you might have. 

An adviser can help you with housing, debt and benefits issues to help you live independently from your abuser. They will recommend seeing a lawyer about more complex housing, immigration and legal issues. 

Find your local Citizens Advice Bureau. 

Support for other forms of gender-based violence

Domestic abuse is often linked with other forms of gender-based violence and abuse. Read our advice if you've experienced:

•  intimate photos or videos being shared - read our advice on what to do if your intimate photos or videos are shared without your consent

• rape or sexual assault - read more about the help that's available if you've been raped or sexually assaulted

• female genital mutilation - read more about what to do if you've experienced female genital mutilation

• forced marriage - you can also phone Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline on 0800 027 1234 and read more about forced marriage
• stalking or harassment - call the National Stalking Helpline for advice